How to write
Brilliant Limericks

Welcome to the this limerick website but beware adult humour!
Introduction.
The limerick is a way of taking a swipe at a the pompous, such as the aristocracy or the clergy, or any other deserving target, or exposing their bizarre behaviours. The limerick is generally risqué as violation of taboo is part of its function. Describing shocking acts with genteel language transforms shock into comedy.

If you click on 'Limericks' on the internet, you're likely to be faced with a torrent of mixed-ability efforts where the obscenity is blatent, full of four-letter words and totally unsubtle.

That is not this website! Here, the interest is in inventive use of language, ingenious rhyming schemes and comedy. The adult humour is veiled and hinted at, restrained rather than explicit. Examples are:

The limerick packs laughs anatomical,
Into space that is quite economical,
But the best ones I've seen,
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical!

The limerick's an art form complex,
Whose contents run chiefly to sex,
They're famous for virgins,
And masculine urgin's
And vulgar erotic effects!

If you would like to raise your game and give your limericks more impact and more comedic value, the following key factors are explained together with methods of maximising their effect:

  • Scansion. The scansion, or rhythm pattern of the syllables gives the limerick delivery its 'bounce' and engages the ear of the listener.

  • Rhyme. The rules of rhyming and syllable stress are explained and demonstrated, including internal rhyming and other ways of enhancing the rhyming scheme with word sounds.

  • Subject. A limerick is aimed at a deserving target which is exposed, ridiculed and skewered. There are endless possibilities.

  • Tension. Limerick is a short story which has a situation, a tension and an outcome, moving from banal to outrageous in five lines.

  • Language. Describing disgraceful goings-on in straight faced or genteel language intensifies the humour.

  • Density. A limerick has only five lines to tell its story. Every syllable should be made to count.

If you pay attention to these factors, your limericks will be funnier, more punchy and more satisfying to the reader.

SCANSION.
A Limerick consistes of five lines. The 1st, 2nd and 5th have the same rhythm and end-rhymes. The 3rd and 4th are shorter, both with the same end-rhyme, but different to the others.

'Scansion' simply means the way the words and syllables are arranged to give a rhythmic pulse to a line of poetry. In limericks, the syllables are expressed in groups of three with the first syllable being stressed.

In the following examples the stressed syllables are in bold type. This very simple nursery rhyme illustrates the point:

Hick - or - y,   Dick - or - y,   Dock.
   1      2    3       1      2    3      1

Emphasising the '1' of each group of three syllables is what gives the line is satisfying pulse.

Limerick lines will nearly always need one or two introductory sylllables which precede the first '1' of a line. In the following example the word 'There' is the introductory or 'lead-in' syllable of the line:

There  was   a  young   man  from  Ja -  pan.
             1    2      3         1       2     3       1

An example of a line with two lead-in syllables, 'As' and 'the', is:

As  the  Duch - ess  went  down   on  her   knees.
               1         2      3        1      2    3       1

We now have the basic format of the limerick with the lead-in words in red. The 3rd and 4th lines of a limerick shorter and with different end rhymes to 1st 2nd and 5th.

When a / 1 2 3 / 1 2 3 / 1,
Went to / 1 2 3 / 1 2 3 / 1,
He said / 1 2 3 / 1,
Do you / 1 2 3 / 1,
So they / 1 2 3 / 1 2 3 / 1!

Now, here's a variation where you can add a further syllable* at the end; for instance you could have Korea instead of Japan:

    There  was   a  young   man  from  Kor -  e -  a*.
                      1     2      3         1       2     3      1    2
           Who  much pre - ferred  whis - ky   to    be - er"*.

The extra syllable is on count 2 of the notional final triplet; it still maintains the triplet rhythm and scans nicely.

Here's an example of the limerick form which has perfect scansion and uses two lead-in syllables and the extra 2* syllable (and incidentally also sets the lascivious tone of many limericks!):

To the nun, said the abbot, "I'll save ya,
From those chastity vows which enslave ya,
You'll be blessed and confessed,
Then undressed and caressed,
'Til you're craving depraving behaviour!

Now the limerick with its introductory and 2* syllables indentified:

    To the nun, said the ab - bot, I ll save ya*,
                1      2    3    1     2     3     1     2

From the chas - ti - ty vows which en - slave ya*,
                1      2    3    1         2     3      1     2

   You ll be blessed and, con - fessed,
                 1           2     3        1

 Then un - dressed and ca - ressed
                 1           2     3      1

 'Til you're crav - ing de - prav - ing be - hav - iour! *
                 1        2    3     1       2     3     1     2

When the rhythmic base is solid, you can pack in a few more syllables. In this example, you do this by saying three short syllables in the time of one count, for example: Chi-ches-ter, nich-es-stir, britch-es-stir.

There's a buxom young Novice in Chichester,
Whose shape made the saints in their niches stir.
One morning at Matins,
Her chest, dressed in satins,
Made the bishop of Chichester's britches stir!

So that's it for the Scansion section. The main test is: can the line be read rhythmically?

         Scansion      Rhyme     Subject     Tension    Language    Density    Summary

RHYME.
As stated, the basic rhyming scheme of the limerick is simple: the final words of lines one, two, and five rhyme and the final words of three and four rhyme. As a reminder:
The limerick's an art form complex,
Whose contents run chiefly to sex.
It's famous for virgins
And masculine urgin's,
And vulgar erotic effects!

This obeys the rules of scansion and rhyme though they're ear-rhymes and the spelling is irrelevant. The lesson here is that words can be tweaked to make them rhyme. As long as the ear hears a rhyme, anything goes.

So, if you have the scansion right and rhyming scheme right, you have a perfectly functioning limerick. But that's all you have. It doesn't yet sparkle. We'll now look at ways of adding another layer to the rhyming scheme and here we consider internal rhymes.

You have seen in the limerick about the Bishop and the Nun, that some lines have internal rhymes, i.e., in addition to the rhymes at the end of the lines, there are words within the line which also rhyme: Blessed/Confessed, Undressed/Caressed.

And, as well as the final syllables rhyming, three words in the last line have syllables within them which also rhyme: 'crav-ing', 'de-praving' and 'be-haviour'. These repeated rhyming sounds add a musical effect. They 'tickle' the ear of the listener and add to the impact of the limerick.

To end this section here are three of examples which use repeated vowel sounds (assonance), repeated consonant sounds (consonance) and internal rhyming with perfect scansion and end rhymes as well as inventive language:

For Patricia coition's enriching,
The bliss of its itch gets her twitching,
"My erogenous zone",
She intones with a groan,
"Finds reciprocal friction bewitching!"

Said the Bishop, "I see with great clarity,
Sister Golda is colder than charity,
Our advances she stops,
It's no wonder she tops
Copulatory unpopularity!"

Her voice has that soft highland lilt,
And her figure is lissomly built.
But I betcha the next wretched
Lecher that pets her
Will alter the tilt of her kilt!

Finally, I would recommend having a good rhyming dictionary and a thesaurus to help in your choices of words and rhyming schemes.

    Scansion     Rhyme     Subject     Tension    Language    Density    Summary

SUBJECT.
One of the prime targets of limericks has always been hypocrisy including hypocrisy in religion. Revelations in recent times have done nothing to enhance the reputation of the church so it's no wonder that limericks have always taken aim at bishops, vicars and nuns. Two of the limericks above have already hit that nail on the head.

The main point to bear in mind is that a virtuoso limerick sets its sights on a worthwhile and deserving target and pops its balloon! Here's one that makes fun of inter-denominational rivalry:

An atheist lady named Alice,
Once peed in a Catholic chalice.
But the Bishop decreed
This heretical deed,
Was done out of Protestant malice!
Politicians also come under fire for their money-grubbing (think - expenses scandals!) and the aristocracy receive their fair share of attention because of the opportunity to juxtapose butlers and duchesses and to describe their interactions in polite and genteel language.

The peculiarities of the intimate lives of ordinary people also receive much attention - whether real or imaginary. This one warns of the dangers of over indulgence in alcohol:

Young Mabel drew roars of applause,
Abusing the booze was the cause.
Though Mabel was able
To dance on the table,
She completely forgot to wear drawers!

You may have noticed that the limericks about Alice and Mabel keep you guessing until the last word of the last line. This is part of tension-building; witholding the punch line surprises the reader or listener and adds to its 'explosive' effect. This is discussed in the section on Tension.

Here are a few other examples to illustrate the range of ideas used:

Physics
Said a champion sprinter named Dwight.
I can run at the same speed as light ,
So he set out one day
In a relative way
And returned home the previous night!

Chemistry
Old Trevor's a chemist no more,
Though clever, his senses were poor,
'H2O' he was thinking,
But what he was drinking
Was really H2SO4!
(For non-chemists, H2O=water, H2SO4=sulphuric acid!).

Finance
A financial wizard named Maud,
Thought she'd earn a few bob as a bawd,
So she flew to the States,
Where she charged double rates,
And collected an export award!

Art
While Titian was mixing rose madder,
His model posed nude on a ladder.
Her position to Titian
Suggested coition
So he climbed up the ladder and 'ad her!

Brilliant Wordplay
(in a joint effort from Isaac Asimov and John Ciardi)
There's something about satyriasis,
That arouses psychiatrists' biases.
Though this way diseased,
We're both just as pleased,
As the maiden who's waiting to try us is!

Wedding Plans
A shy inexperienced bride,
Unprepared for the 'intimate' side,
In search of some tips,
Dislocated both hips
After reading a marital guide!

And there are hundreds more. So, pick your target and go to work on it.

    Scansion     Rhyme     Subject    Tension    Language    Density    Summary

TENSION.
The best limericks, in addition to fulfilling all the other criteria, set up a situation, then increase the tension whilst keeping the reader guessing until the last line and, in the best cases, the last word. This limerick illustrates the point:

In humour, the limerick's position
Resembles the act of coition:-
Invention, suspension,
Unbearable tension,
Then final cathartic fruition!

These next two limericks demonstrate tension-building and saving the revelation until the end:

St.Hilda's has not been the same,
Since they found out the girls' favourite game.
Now the head, deeply shocked,
Keeps the potting shed locked,
And likewise the cucumber frame!

A libinous girl from Albania,
Grows ruder and lewder (and brainier).
But it isn't her brain,
That drives men insane,
It's her raving depraved nymphomania!

So that's tension building. And no four-letter words; no blatant crudity. Just allusion and 'double entendre', (they also include assonance, consonance and internal rhyming).

And there's another example in the 'Language' section below; the limerick about St. Giles also saves its killer punch until the end.

     Scansion     Rhyme     Subject     Tension    Language    Density    Summary

LANGUAGE.
For some reason, when scandalous goings-on are described in refined and slightly clinical language, it distances the narrator from the action and heightens the comic effect. More colourful vocabulary, euphemism and inventive language are also useful in this way.

For instance, 'reciprocal friction', 'copulatory unpopularity' are examples of inventive phrases; polysyllabic humour has the same heightening effect. All these techniques add to the comedy and the interest, and lift a limerick out of the ordinary.

Good limericks should never descend into explicit language, lavatory humour or four-letter words. They best achieve their effect by using a more obtuse and restrained style.

The following limerick demonstrates the comedic possibilities: the protagonists represent both ends of the social scale. They would never meet under such intimate circumstances. And though the actions may be shocking, the butler observes the respectful tone expected from members of the lower orders:

As the duchess went down on her knees,
Said the butler, Your Grace, if you please,
You'll heighten my bliss,
If you tightly grip this,
But relinquish your grasp upon these!

The butler's use of the slightly archaic word 'relinquish' adds to the bizarre formality of the situation.

In this next one, the vicar is not at all put out by the suspicious and ear-splitting encounter down in the crypt but merely expresses mild surprise ("Good gracious!") that Father Ignatius has had an unfortunate lapse of memory!

From the depths of the crypt of St.Giles
Came a scream that resounded for miles.
Said the vicar, "Good gracious!
Has Father Ignatius
Forgotten the bishop has piles!"

Both these limericks wrap their disgraceful contents in genteel language; it is this contrast which gives them their comedic value.

    Scansion     Rhyme     Subject     Tension    Language    Density    Summary

DENSITY.
There are many limericks around the web, good, bad and indifferent and you find that half of them start with a version of, "There was a young lady from ...", or, "There once was a man from ...". All that does is establish the end-rhyme of lines one, two and five, whether it's Japan or Madras or wherever. It says nothing about the character or his/her predicament.

That's a waste of five or six syllables which could be used to set up the scenario of impending tension or an improbable situation. Remember, we need all the syllables we can get and they can all be made to count.

"From the depths of the crypt of St Giles..." is a good illustration of this. That lines tells us where we are, that it likely involves the clergy and we can't wait to find out what they're up to down there! This limerick is a great example of using all the key factors of limerick writing.

The limerick about Patricia doesn't start with a version of, "There was young girl called Patricia", that's a waste of eight syllables. You've seen in the Rhyme section above, that by the end of that first line, we know about Patricia AND her predilictions AND how she feels about them! You've established the basic situation, leaving the rest of the limerick to develop it.

If you use the full complement of syllables available, including lead-in and 2* syllables, you have forty-four at your disposal. With skill and thought, you can use all of them to develop and embellish your story.

     Scansion     Rhyme     Subject     Tension    Language    Density    Summary

SUMMARY.
The fundamentals of a winning limerick are the scansion and end rhymes. These have to be right to provide a foundation for the subject matter which should be a worthwhile target, duly hit.

Next, the construction: the situation, and the tension with a suprising outcome. Then you can add the embellishments: internal rhyming, inventive vocabulary, and word sounds etc.

After your first draft, I would recommend you put it away in a drawer to look at later. You'll then see how it can be further improved.

One double limerick which demonstrates all the techniques mentioned:

For us men it's a real thought-provoker,
If your build is, let's say, mediocre:
"Do the flames in the fire
Of desire shoot up higher,
If you increase the size of the poker?"

Say the ladies, "You blokes must be joking!
All this chauvinist chat had us choking.
No poker inspires
Or heightens desires,
It's the style of the squire who is stoking!"

Maybe you're already a virtuoso limerick writer. But if you're not, and are keen to improve, I hope the preceding pages will help. Either way, thanks for reading.

And finally:

Though I don't wish to sound too dogmatic,
(I'm a limerick format fanatic).
If you follow my rules,
And use all the tools,
Your success will be axiomatic!

           Scansion    Rhyme     Subject     Tension    Language    Back to Top

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